Anyone ever see that film "Stand & Deliver"? It was a really good movie about this guy who successfully teaches Calculus to remedial students in East LA. It's a true story so I can't use the excuse of "it only happens in the movies". Maybe that's what I envisioned for myself, busting a "Stand & Deliver", lol.
And the Oscar goes to........
I'm too hard on myself, I know. What did I expect? Kids are kids. Most of them hate math, they sleep in class, they do other work, they talk to their friends, they don't pay attention. I mean not all of them are like this, just most of them are. It's different when you're on the other side of the room, I had always been the student, never the teacher.
I just wanna give a shout out to all my former teachers. I'M SORRY..........for all the times I slept in class, wrote notes, talked to friends, etc, etc. I was such a little bastard, lol.
It was a little disheartening when I spent the whole day marking well over 100 tests and performing a massacre with my red pen slashing left & right, dishing out so many damn zeros as if the number zero were going out of style by tomorrow, WTF! I've only done 3 topics for Term2, has nothing been absorbed?!? I know that this is the usual case but damn it fucking hurts when I put all that effort to prepare notes and get up there every damn day and talk my mouth off. I shouldn't be blaming myself, really, I shouldn't. How can I teach them Calculus when they can barely add.
The truth is that out off my 100+ girls, probably only 5 of them will pass the WASSCE for university credit and out of the 5 most likely only 1 will get a passing for Math. So why kill myself over all this. I am a perfectionist. Just had a flashback of when I cried like a punk bitch after class during summer school in Bo b/c I couldn't breakthrough. How embarrassing, lol!
I'm changing gears. Teaching is not just about "teaching a subject". I know this now. I've been super hard on my girls. I mean, the content itself is appropriate but, I think I expect too much out of them in regards to their classroom behavior as if I was a fucking angel myself during high school, haha.
I was dusting alot of girls in head with chalk when they slept in my class or making many of them kneel on the rough concrete under the hot blistering sun even sometimes making some of them tote their books on their head. Ya I know, I'm pretty fucking evil. Alot of it has been really more of a nuisance, I really need to stop the madness. And then, I started feeling bad b/c they ARE just kids and they never hate me for it. I made M'Balu kneel outside in the sun b/c she kept sleeping in my class and then the next day she called my name from across the market waving and smiling.........GUILT. I'm a fucking evil Ice Queen. I'm one of the strictest teachers in the school yet the girls still love me. They give me compliments and say they miss me on days where I was not around. I'm the evil queen with no heart in "The Neverending Story II", someone wish for me to have a heart, I suck :(
I tried the ignoring method the other day, I couldn't handle it, it was too disturbing. I think I'm just gonna kick them out of class. Should I fell bad, no. They are not going to pass the WASSCE anyways and I need to focus on the ones that actually give a shit.
There are some good kids in the class. Not all of them the brightest but I do have good kids. I have about one smart kid in each of the 4 streams of SS1 but there are other characters. You can tell some are truly trying and just don't get it or some are just really sweet and helpful.
It's not easy being an evil strict bitch when you see the same girls everyday and I've been seeing my SS1 girls for about 3months now. They are people too and I need to take it easy on them. I can't save them all but the ones that do care have really appreciated my teaching style and the notes I provide.
I guess I get all hot over this stuff b/c I care so much about these kids. I need to take it easy on the African-style punishments, they're just kids.
Smol smol.
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